She Is: A Celebration of Women: Part 3
Building Back:
Doing the Work One Win at a Time
March 18, 2022 | By: CSL Vice President Community Development, Jennifer Manuleleua &
CSL Chief People Officer, Merideth Rose
Over the last three weeks, Community Services League (CSL)’s Vice President of Community Development Jennifer Manuleleua has helped cultivate a uniquely different approach to the agency’s practice of storytelling by sharing her own. In great courage, she has ventured into a space of vulnerability and at times, the fear of the unknown. She realized her voice had the power to evoke a variety of emotional connections across both men and women – disbelief, uncertainty, compassionate waves of care or the ability to simply relate.
Jennifer admits in each her ‘deep dives’ with CSL’s Chief People Officer Merideth Rose, each conversation got a little bit easier and what was uncovered while healed, had the potential to trigger. Each chapter of Jennifer’s story is like an archeological dig requiring great care as together, the two women unearth moments of what was a time of painful pursuit for Jennifer’s personal freedom, to love the girl in the mirror and the woman she knew she was created to be.
This week, Jennifer reflected back; this time on her initial steps up the ladder of resilience. In her previous conversation, Breakthrough: When Healing Gives Way to Hope, she underscored just how critical the belief that ‘I am worth the healing,’ and the loving care of a village and resources of support, is in taking that first step – the step and the reach toward the ladder up and out of hopelessness. Jennifer remarked this week’s reflections were hard. The tension between driving forward and the threats to her personal and emotional safety were often like living on a teeter-totter. She knew better was possible and could finally see the light of what’s possible, but often set-backs threatened to derail her progress and made celebrating even the little wins, that much harder. This is why braving forward, in spite of how hard it is, is a critical next step in every woman’s healing journey. Join us as Jennifer shares in Week 3: Building Back: Doing the Work One Win at a Time.
Many would argue the initial moments or first steps following a breakthrough - that healing and hope are indeed possible, are the most pivotal in one's rebuilding journey. As you think about your personal resilience story and all you've shared so far, what was the one thing, one thought or one motivating factor that gave you the boost to begin the work of moving forward? Or, during your hardest days, what kept you going when you knew healing was happening, but the work was still hard?
“It’s funny to see this picture and see joy and peace. For years, I wouldn’t have been able to say that about any picture of me. But today, I’m grateful to say, I can.”
I’ve mentioned before, healing is some of the hardest work I’ve ever done. And, it’s definitely not fast work. With the help of people and new skills, I was able to put some guard rails in my life that helped me stay focused. Just like working out - sometimes you need that accountability partner to meet you at the gym to stay on your path. I had a weekly meeting with a friend who helped me process my struggles, out loud, while she shared her own. I made a promise to a trusted friend that I was determined to keep. I made regular exercise, healthy eating, and drinking water part of my daily routine. Having some new healthy habits in place really helped a lot. And so did those relationships when the going got tough.
The thing that really helped the most was an internal, growing belief that I would eventually get out of this dark space. I may not have always known what I was doing. I may not have been where I wanted to be yet (nor even know what that meant). I only knew that my existence wasn’t quite as dark as it once was. I realized I wasn’t perfect at growth and moving forward, and that was okay because I was still making progress. Just do the next right thing was the best piece of advice I was given during those days. Like Dory, just keep swimming. :)
Many would agree an important part of celebrating even small progress is found in changing the narrative - the words you speak and choose to believe about yourself and the winning work you are doing. When road bumps occurred along your journey, how did you reframe from seeing them as 'set backs,’ to instead seeing them as ‘set ups?’
Let me reframe this just a bit. If I were to tell another woman who is struggling on her journey out of the darkness and into fully living, I’d remind her of a few things:
You might not know what you’re doing. And that’s okay. Just do the next right thing, or stand still while you figure out what that next step is.
Find a few key people who are your cheerleaders and always in your corner. Stick with them. Stay connected to them. When you look at the three stories shared so far, you see such a key thread of relationship. People who believe in you before you believe in yourself are critical.
The path forward won’t be straight or easy. It will be messy. Notice it. Don’t judge it. But take on a life of reflection where you can get in touch with yourself to understand where you may have gotten off track so you can get back on.
Ask yourself if there are more things in your life that you might need to put aside for the time being. Do you need to let down a second job, so that you have more time to heal? Do you need to let some friendships go so you can grow? Do you need to set aside some unhealthy habits so you can take on some new ones?
Ask yourself, what is the next right step for me to take? What’s worked for me in the past? Can I do more of that?
In the struggle, it’s easy to isolate, to get big and fight, or to go back to unhealthy habits (including thought patterns). By staying connected to safe, healthy people (therapists, coaches, friends), you don’t have to go back in the hole. And you’ll turn around faster after a setback each time you keep practicing your new healthy you. You build muscle memory every time you try something new. Even though a trigger may set you off, you’ll be able to ‘bounce back’ faster.
Today, in your role as woman ambassador within and for CSL, why is this determination to ‘build back’ such an important part of a woman’s resilience journey? How can CSL partners come alongside women in helping inspire this spirit of building back, one win at a time?
“Learning to take time out with my husband is key to my wellness. And being in nature getting my hands dirty is part of that. We love to go fishing, catch fish, and eat fish. (He does all the cleaning and cooking of them.)”
I once heard someone say that if you don’t share your testimony, you wasted the test. I believe that the world can be a hard place to live, perhaps not for everyone. Many women, including me, have lived in the hardness of the world. We choose to build back our lives, our very selves. In choosing, we build the world around us for others who are ready as well. In building back, we passed the test.
The majority of neighbors CSL serves and walks alongside, are women, single moms. Many of them have lived and are living in the hardness of the world. Our CSL team gets to show kindness, empathy, trustworthiness, and safety for our neighbors. We get to do that in how we show up every day, in the cleanliness of our buildings and properties, in our policies, in the way we operate programs. It’s how we coach, how we build an integrated team of people for each neighbor. It’s how we partner with other community organizations to have a community approach. Many of us consider it an honor that CSL doesn’t take lightly. We hold carefully the space that neighbors give us in their stories.
You can partner with CSL to help inspire the spirit of building back. Here are a couple of thoughts on how you can serve:
Know and understand that our own personal change isn’t linear or quick - so it shouldn’t need to be for others either. You can help people make the changes in their beliefs, behaviors, and understandings and allow people to become successful. It takes time. Help CSL truly be a safe place for all neighbors on the path to financial stability for individuals and communities. We do this together by allowing high grace and high truth environments where it’s okay to take time and detours on the path to family success.
Help us change the narrative … the narrative of poverty, the narrative of trauma, the narrative of financial independence. If that means holding personal courageous conversations and listening or braving the wilderness (Brene Brown), then do that. If it means building relationships with people who are different from you, then do that. If that means speaking in circles where you have influence, please do that. Spread beauty and truth around you as we value every single person as worthy, regardless of income, race or ethnicity, lifestyle, gender, or trauma.
Look for ways to build mutual relationships. CSL is a phenomenal organization, but we are only one. We need a community full of organizations (for profit, not-for-profit, religious, civic, social) and individuals to wrap around people. Together is how we overcome. In those relationships, share meals, serve side by side with others, give of finances, time or talents. Reciprocal exchange is super important for retaining dignity for all.
We are in week three of a four part series. How would you summarize where we are now?
Women’s History Month could go in so many directions, and it would still be good. CSL has chosen to do something very different as a way to highlight heroes in our communities. Heroes who are often seen as anything but heroes. Women who are making it and surviving another day are heroic. Women in poverty have often suffered great trauma, and likely still are. That’s not to say that women who are not in financial poverty haven’t suffered trauma. Many absolutely have. But poverty itself is a trauma - a community trauma and a personal trauma.
“Girls on the Run is so much fun. Girls on the Run is #1.”
”This program is such a powerful way for girls to learn about running, friends and being strong. We must give back to those who come behind us, so that they can see love, care, and joy. Our children’s resiliency is based on a stable, loving adult in their lives. Let’s continue to be that. In fact, I’m not sure that a more important part of poverty elimination exists – a two-generation approach.”
As CSL works to strengthen and stabilize individuals, families and communities, we are seeking to help the entire system succeed … from the bottom up. Enforcement and conformity are not the best ways to help any of us grow. Our work at CSL has taken on a deep understanding of the trauma of poverty, of trauma and loss, and of the workings of our eastern Jackson County community. Not only do we look for benefit gaps, we look for ways to mitigate the benefits cliff. Not only do we look to keep people stably housed by paying rent, we look for ways to change the culture of eviction. And not only do we want to help adults succeed in a career, we want children to have a belief that education is important.
CSL knows and understands that just like with each of us personally, change and growth is incremental and long for the neighbors we work with. By sharing pieces of my story, I hope that people will begin to get a glimpse into the reality that trauma, loss, and poverty can play in the lives of the neighbors we walk alongside. Coming out of poverty is not as simple as often thought. But it is possible - through relationships, with the long-term view, and through an increased support circle. That’s how my journey worked … even when I didn’t know it. It took people, time, and an increased circle of support for healing for all of us who have shared our story.
Jennifer’s story continues next week with Part 4: Building Back: Women Helping Women.
Join us for a complimentary lunch and learn panel discussion at CSL's BlendWell Community Cafe unpacking the harrowing stories of women who have found healing in their journeys to resilience.
Make your free reservation here.
Event details:
When: Thursday, March 31
Time: 11:30am - 1:00pm
Where: CSL's BlendWell Community Cafe,
10725 E US 24 HWY, Independence, MO 64054
